Do you long to feel the love and joy that brought you together?
Is it hard to talk about problems without fighting?
Do you ever find yourself thinking about divorce?
The movies often end with couples blissfully positioned in what marriage therapists call the honeymoon stage. Our culture would lead us to believe that it's possible to stay in this stage permanently. It is not. Just as a baby must become a toddler and a child grows into an adult, so must couples move through stages of differentiation and growth.
Most couples hit rough patches. Most of us do not have good working models of what it takes to form a deeply satisfying intimate relationship over time and so frustration and dissatisfaction are common. It is common for people to decide that their partner is the problem or perhaps that their relationship is intrinsically flawed and from this analysis of the problem they choose to divorce or separate.
While couples can be unsuited to each other, the good news is that most couples--perhaps 7 out of 10--can, with help, find their way to truly satisfying partnerships. Couples counseling works for many reasons. We now know that relationships go through predictable developmental stages and that resistance to necessary developmental shifts causes problems. We also know that there are important skills and tools that couples often don't have which lead them to feel as if they aren't loved or as if their partner doesn't truly get them or have their back.
Some people come to counseling to change their relationship for the better, while others need help making an important decision or even separating with as little harmful conflict as possible. Couples Counseling is about 3 things: 1) Assessing and understanding the dynamics that have led to feelings of alienation and/or conflict; 2) Learning skills that allow you to understand and open to each other; 3) Mastering those skills so you are able to interact in ways that are truly satisfying.
If you want to explore couples counseling, give me a call for a free consultation.
