Category: <span>Wellbeing</span>

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Wellbeing By Teresa McGlashan 0 Comments

The Healing Power of Unconditional Love

What is Unconditional Love? Unconditional Love is about loving regardless of the other person “deserving” it. In contrast to conditional love, which is about earning love through one’s behaviors, when we love unconditionally we offer acceptance, respect and kindness to ourselves or another whether or not we like or desire the behaviors or thoughts/ emotions/ feelings we experience.

So what good is this kind of love? From my experience, it is the magical formula of true wellbeing and transformation.

For example, a client (whom I will call Stacey) realizes she has lived with the subconscious core story that she is unlovable. As a child her parents were busy and neglected her, often not meeting important needs for attention and support. She assumed this meant there was something wrong with her. Until now, Stacey has subconsciously believed that if she’d been more lovable, they wouldn’t have neglected her as they did.

The Healing Power of Unconditional LoveIt is very common for children to mistakenly assume that the things their parents do and say are a result of their own inherent worth/ character/ loveability.  Once Stacey can meet her younger self with unconditional love and see the grief and fear and anger that have come from this misunderstanding, she is able to viscerally understand how acceptable and lovable this younger self is. She begins to replace a foundational core wound with a kinder and more accepting attitude toward herself.

It seems there is a hidden therapist within all of us that can bring unconditional acceptance to our thoughts and emotions. We all have the capacity to do this. We can step back from our feelings and thoughts and witness them without judgment. This sounds easy but when it comes to our thoughts and feelings, most of us automatically believe the thoughts that pop into our heads and the feelings that follow.

It is a huge step toward freedom when we wake up to the truth that our painful thoughts (and therefore our feelings) about ourselves (and others) simply aren’t true! They are misunderstandings from our childhood experiences or our family’s conditioning or from the culture at large.

Our suffering is directly related to our beliefs about ourselves–the more unloving and critical we are toward ourselves, the more we will suffer. The more we accept and love ourselves, warts and all, the more we will accept others and feel joy and delight in life as it is.

Orienting toward life from unconditional love can be one of the gifts of psychotherapy and counseling. Recognizing our basic lovability and healing the parts of us that don’t see things that way, starts a cascade of goodness. Life becomes a lot more enjoyable when this happens.

If you want to learn more about the healing power of unconditional love or share with me your own story, please be in touch!

Waking Up: Relevant to Psychotherapy?
Individual Counseling Wellbeing By Teresa McGlashan 0 Comments

Waking Up: Relevant to Psychotherapy?

What does it mean to “wake up”? What does psychotherapy have to do with waking up and does waking up have anything to do with finding a life purpose? Does it have anything to do with healing? Thanks to people like Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now), Oprah Winfrey (Super Soul Sunday), the Dalai Lama, Adyashanti, Byron Katie and many others, the idea of waking up has made it into the mainstream.

For some people waking up simply refers to what happens every morning. For others it means waking up to our true nature. For others it means recognizing something important that we’d been unaware of previously.

Waking up is an important part of psychotherapy because waking up to what is actually here (previously unseen) allows change to happen. Waking up means that we gain a more accurate perspective. Like waking up in the morning, we realize we used to be asleep.

In the psychological realm a person becomes aware of the internal beliefs and patterns that have been behind the choices, behaviors and experiences of life. In the spiritual dimension a person can awaken to what is always present and yet rarely recognized–awareness itself.

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A client (who we will call Stacey) realizes she’s lived with a core story of being unlovable because her parents were busy and didn’t spend much time with her. Children assume what happens around them is their fault. When Stacey looks deeply, she can see that their busyness had nothing to do with her. Through seeing this deeply, she is able to reconnect with her inherent lovability.

Or there’s Michael, a client who realizes that he has many thoughts that turn out to be untrue upon closer inspection. Things like “I need to be able to change the things I don’t like.” Or, “it is unbearable to feel helpless.” Michael wakes up to his innate capacity to become aware of his thoughts without always believing they are true. He discovers that he can question thoughts he has automatically acted upon and consciously choose a different perspective.

Waking up is one of the most remarkable things that human beings can do. Through self-reflection our lives change and infinite possibilities open to us.

Operating Instructions for Wellbeing
Wellbeing By Teresa McGlashan 0 Comments

Operating Instructions for Wellbeing

Clarity and Wellbeing are ALWAYS present

If you are feeling anxious or depressed, wellbeing may seem entirely hidden. To hear that it is always present but simply veiled may seem like fairy tale. But it is an experientially accurate description that can be tested.

Myth:  We believe getting what we want makes us happy. Believing this means we put all of our energy into the experience, relationship or object that seems associated with feeling a sense of wellbeing. Have you noticed that you/we do this?

Operating Instructions for WellbeingReality:  When we get what we want we feel happy because for a little while we aren’t wanting anything other than what we have.  For a brief moment we are Buddhas, content with the way things are.

Try noticing this for yourself. You’ll see that when you are happy, you aren’t trying to push something away or believing a thought that you need something in order to be happy.

Why it Matters: You can spend your life having brief moments of happiness after working hard to get what you want. Or you can learn to access the contentment that is always present and use the difficulties that arise as the beautiful compost that grows wellbeing.

How do we do that? We need to find our own “bridges” to wellbeing. We need to discover that there is already something in us which is totally content and totally accepting of our situation. We can access this and look at our lives from this wise and accepting perspective.

Operating Instructions for Wellbeing
Happiness is simply to allow everything to be exactly as it is from moment to moment.  —Rupert Spira

Accessing this clarity is true freedom.  It feels good.  It sees clearly. We know the next thing to do that isn’t driven by fear or by hurt or by automatic habits. Without access to this natural clarity (another word for happiness), we are stuck trying to make the world cooperate with our plans.  Sometimes it does and often it doesn’t.

This is the rollercoaster ride of life. And like all rollercoasters, you can’t get off in the middle of the ride.  This isn’t a problem if you have access to clarity and wellbeing.  We can accept the ups and downs of life and “enjoy the ride” if we have the manual for accessing our everpresent wisdom.

If you want to work with me to figure out how to reliably access wellbeing or to address patterns that get in the way of it, please give me a call.  This is my passion and expertise.

Learning to Access Well-Being
Individual Counseling Wellbeing By Teresa McGlashan 0 Comments

Learning to Access Well-Being

What if we get to choose our perspective?

You believe you have problems.  In fact, you may be working with me to solve these problems. There is another point of view that doesn’t see anything as a problem.  This perspective is always available to us.

My tip for today is to guide you through a simple 4-step process that allows you to look at your life situation from the perspective of “no problem and no fear.”

Why bother with that?  The reason is simple: it feels good and gives us much greater clarity about our life situation. What a miracle to discover that we can choose our point of view!

In passing on this understanding I am drawing in part on an approach developed by Warren Berland who wrote a great little book called Out of the Box: Freedom is a Choice.  I recommend taking a look at his website.

Screen Shot 2016-03-08 at 3.14.53 PMBerland helps us orient by first asking us to imagine ourselves trapped in a box unable to get out. How would we feel?  Notice the sensations in your body as you imagine yourself enclosed in a box. Notice your emotions. Notice your thoughts. This is the experience of being “In the Box.” This is also what it generally feels like when we feel stuck in our lives.

Now, picture the top of the box coming off.  You step out into the light.  Nothing binds you any longer.  How does that feel?  Notice your body, your thoughts and your feelings.  This is the experience of being “Out of the Box.” This is also generally how you feel in life when you are unafraid, free, in the flow, alive and present.

Now that you have a feeling for “In the Box” and “Out of the Box” you’re ready to apply it in your life. This four-step process can be applied any time you realize that you feel stuck.

Step 1: Know that you are stuck.  Acknowledging this and taking the time to stop is a big deal.  How do you know you’re stuck?  Any time you feel there is a problem and it’s bothering you is a time when you’re “in the box.” The upset may be mild or major but bottom line, there will be unpleasant sensations somewhere if you look. You don’t like something.  You are afraid of something happening.  In that moment, there is a problem.

Step 2: For a moment put your problem aside.  Reassure the part of yourself that wants to solve this problem that you will come back to it soon.  But for a moment, put the whole complex of emotion and thought on the back burner. It can be helpful to picture yourself putting your problem on a shelf, out of the way.

Step 3: Access the place of “no problem and no fear.” You know this place already.  You’ve been there before. Remember what it felt like to step out of the box.  Remember a time when you felt free, at peace, in the flow, without fear.  From that place you know that all is well with the world.  That’s the place of “no problem and no fear.”

Ask yourself, “what if all fear were gone—how would the world look to me?  What would I notice right now about where I am?”  Simply look from that point of view—know that it is accessible through a simple shift of perspective. The wonderful thing is that you can choose to look at life from out of the box. It doesn’t have to happen by accident or because all the conditions of your life came together for a magical moment.

If your mind begins to protest you can smile at that as well.  Whether you feel the sense of freedom or not, you can access this always available perspective. You just have to choose to do it.

Step 4: From the place of “no problem and no fear” look at the life situation you put aside a short time ago.  Stay in the clarity and wisdom—in the freedom and relaxation of this perspective and see what comes to you when you look at your life situation from this other point of view. You will be amazed at what you see when you look at your life situation without fear and angst.

It is important to think of these steps as exercising a muscle.  You are literally honing a skill and making the choice to move from one perspective to another.  It gets easier the more you practice doing it. It feels good, you have brilliant insights, you can choose to do it.  What’s not to like about this?

Get in touch with me if you need or want a guide in this process.  Happy choosing, happy looking, happy freedom.

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